kill your heroes.

.. and fly, fly, baby don't cry. no need to worry 'cause everybody will 

die. everyday we just go, go, baby don't go, don't you worry

 

 i love you more than you know.

...

 

 

 

 

it hurts.

 

 

 

i hate when people make jokes acout cutting, suicide or eating disorders 

because you don't know what the people aroung you are going through. it hurts.

 

 

why?

 

 

 

that moment when you can actually feel the pain in your chest 

from seeing or hearing something that breaks your heart.

 

 

sunshine.

 

 

 

i got a pocket, got a pocket full of sunshine ..

 

 

call me a doctor.

 

i'm sorry for being such a fuck-up. i'm sorry for being born.

fat.

 

 

what doesn't kill you makes you wish it did.

she's lost inside.

 

 

every night she cries and dies a little more each time.

drown my sorrows.

 

i wanted to drown my sorrows but the bastards learned how to swim.

just disappear.

 

does it still hurt, thinking about him? does the pain ever go away?

someday i'll just disappear.

 

i don’t have a reason to feel like this. i haven’t had any big problems in my life

and everyday i read or hear about people having it so much worse. 

why can’t i just cheer the fuck up?

  

why do you do that to me?

 

what's wrong with me? you laugh at me, every day. i have to smile and pretend nothing's wrong. it's totally

consuming me. i'm sick of you, your jokes about me, the way you treat me, the way you show me you don't like 

me. i'm sick and tired of life .. or i guess i'm just tired of having feelings for you. i know you'll never like me. you 

don't have to. that's ok, your descision. but you don't have to say those things, make fun of me, laugh at me, 

hurt me. even though you don't know i still have feelings for you, you know it hurts me. it would hurt everybody.

nobody should be treated like that. just respect me or ignore me. i'll be ok with that. but just at this moment i'm not. 

it's not easy for me. and you know that, so .. why do you have to make this worse? why do you do that to me?

just do it.

 

they don't understand cutting. 

or how good it feels to be in control of your own pain.

falling.

yeah, i fell so deep. no one could've stopped me.

oh him?

oh him? he has just the most adorable eyes you could ever fall for &' the cutest

smile that will take your breath away. he has the ability to make you laugh ..

hopeless.

there comes a point where i become too tired. tired of people. 

tired of descisions. tired of hearing anyone's voice. tired of smiling.

tired of my reflection. tired of my time. tired of my room. tired of my face.

tired of my loved ones. tired of my clothes. tired of being misunderstood.

tired of emotions. tired of regret. tired of overthinking. tired of trying.

tired of my heart. tired of my head. tired of myself. tired of helping.

 

tired of the things i own. tired of choices. tired of having no freedom.

tired of staying. tired of going. tired of listening. tired of talking.

tired of caring. tired of being cared for. tired of not being cared for.

tired of never being listened to. tired of being recognized.

tired of being noticed. tired of being invisible. tired of my past.

tired of my future. tired of feeling torn. tired of who i've become.

tired of my life. tired of everything. tired of being tired.

fucking good enough.

 that horrible sinking moment when you realize that 

everything you do will never be fucking good enough.

go mad.

 

 

we have to get used to the reality that we're alone. if you can't get used to, then you go mad.

fix you.

 i wish i could fix you and make you how i want you. i wish i could fix you and i wish you could fix me. 

i wish i could heal you  and mend where you are broken. i wish i could heal you and i wish you could heal me.

just killed me.

 It is so dangerous to undervalue another persons feelings. It's just a bad mood, it can't be that bad because they are still smiling, still breathing. And when it's too late everyone is shocked. And there's nothing people can do because their eyes are closed and their hearts are cold as long as they don't realize the magnitude of the situation.

love never dies.

 it's amazing that people can spend their whole lives trying to get another person to love them.

can't stop.

 

When you decide to die, little things begin to happen. You stop looking both ways before you cross the street, you start answering the door without asking who’s there. You don’t hold onto the railing when you go down the escalator, you don’t buckle your seat belt. You play with matches. You smoke, and breathe it in, actually praying it will make a difference. Deciding to die is actually almost nice, in a way. You stop caring. Even if you are not pro-actively looking for ways to kill yourself, you stop looking for ways to survive. I don't know how I got this way, but it's alright, 

.. because I'll never be alright again.

 

lay awake at night.

 

 

schatten der nacht, ich bin schrecklich müde. erinnerungen sorgen dafür, dass ich mich hässlich fühle. 

sitze da und starre in die nacht rein, erneut mit meinen erinnerungen wach sein ..

forgive me.

 

 

i know you hate me, but it's okay. i hate myself too.

please forgive me for beeing born.

 

 

 

already gone.

 i'm already dead, dead but breathing.

you don't care how it hurts.

i promise.

 

'promise me you'll forget you've ever met me'

'i promise i won't'

silence.

 

 

silence is often a person's loudest scream.

 

  

sleep forever.

i don't want to live. i don't want to die. i just want to sleep.

i nead a break.

 

 

 please, give me a fucking break.

once upon a time.

es war einmal &' wird nie mehr sein ..

...

no starting over.

 

 

suicide. suicide. suicide.

 

it doesn't sound that bad. it sounds amazing to me. especially today. i'm pressing extrahard tonight. i'll 'accidently' go too deep. sorry for hurting everyone. i hope this does you justice.

urlaub auf bonny's ranch.

 

.. und die frage ist nicht, wann wir das enden sondern wie?

 

 

 

kein ausweg mehr, der strick da, der blick starr und die augen leer,
ich bin daheim, doch es wär schön wenn ich zu hause wär ..

 

 

somebody.

 

 
i don't want anybody to love me because nobody could fix me.

i don't want to hurt anybody just because i love somebody else.

there is not anybody who could heal the scars somebody left.

i don't want anybody to love me bacause i'm deeply fucked up.

there is not anybody i could really want except this somebody.

 

 

i'm fine.

 

 

it's usual to help everybody with everything. everything is always easy for me. don't worry, i can do all that stuff for you. i don't have better things to do. i don't care when you don't ask me, when you take it all, when you don't thank me. i don't care when you call me fat, when you laugh at me, when you call me names. i don't care about scars, my insomnia, my paranoia, my hallucinations, my suicidal thoughts and all my problems. 

 

why should i care? why should you care? i'm fine.

love me.

 

 

did i tell you that someone out there wants to be loved right back?

 

 

coldest winter.

 

 

wurde älter, wurde kälter.

this giant feeling of .. nothing.

outside i'm smiling, but on the inside i'm feeling empty. just .. empty. i'm never happy, i'mnever sad. i'm just really tired, all the time. it's almost like i couldn't have emotions, except for this giant feeling of .. nothing. i don't want to leave my bedroom, i don't want to get out and have fun. i just want to sleep .. forever. i don't unterstand what's going on with me. i think i need help, but i don't even know what's my problem in first place.

dead but breathing.

 i'd give anything to feel alive again.

i tried.

 

I    TRIED     I    TRIED
I    TRIED     I    TRIED
I    TRIED     I    TRIED

I     TRIED    I    TRIED

I'M TIRED     I'M TIRED

how much it hurts.

i want to die basically every day. i don't care about anything. ifeel like i'm beeing smothered by almost everyone and i want a way out but i can't really see one. 

i'm tired of being fucked up.

rette mich.

 

 bring mich heim, führ mich nach hause. hörst du mich schreien? ich will hier weg, ich muss nach vorn. 

bitte, hol mich hier raus. bitte, rette mich. komm, rette mich. rette mich vor mir selbst ..

you won't understand.

if you haven't sat in the corner of your bedroom, crying so hard that your body starts to ache, then you won't truly understand. if you have never screamed, begging for it to be over, you won't truly understand. if you have never prayed to gof that you don't wake up in the morning, then you won't truly understand. if you have never felt like nothing was worth living for, you won't truly understand. you can read about it, watch movies about it, listen songs about it.. but unless you've felt it, you will never truly understand.

damn, damn.

you're always there, you're everywhere, but right now i wish you were here ..

 

you keep losing.

stop falling. stop listening. stop texting back. stop worrying. stop getting your hopes up. stop telling 

yourself this one's different. you've heard this story times and times before and you know hotw it ends. 

- he's playing that game you keep losing.

perfect.

i'm never gonna be good enough for you, can't pretend that i'm all right ..

maybe someday.

maybe someday you and i will be together. maybe someday you and i will find forever ..

irgendwann.

                                                                     vielleicht irgendwann ..

tired of being tired.

 

so tired of being tired.