someday i'll just disappear.

 

i don’t have a reason to feel like this. i haven’t had any big problems in my life

and everyday i read or hear about people having it so much worse. 

why can’t i just cheer the fuck up?

  

why do you do that to me?

 

what's wrong with me? you laugh at me, every day. i have to smile and pretend nothing's wrong. it's totally

consuming me. i'm sick of you, your jokes about me, the way you treat me, the way you show me you don't like 

me. i'm sick and tired of life .. or i guess i'm just tired of having feelings for you. i know you'll never like me. you 

don't have to. that's ok, your descision. but you don't have to say those things, make fun of me, laugh at me, 

hurt me. even though you don't know i still have feelings for you, you know it hurts me. it would hurt everybody.

nobody should be treated like that. just respect me or ignore me. i'll be ok with that. but just at this moment i'm not. 

it's not easy for me. and you know that, so .. why do you have to make this worse? why do you do that to me?

just do it.

 

they don't understand cutting. 

or how good it feels to be in control of your own pain.

falling.

yeah, i fell so deep. no one could've stopped me.

oh him?

oh him? he has just the most adorable eyes you could ever fall for &' the cutest

smile that will take your breath away. he has the ability to make you laugh ..

hopeless.

there comes a point where i become too tired. tired of people. 

tired of descisions. tired of hearing anyone's voice. tired of smiling.

tired of my reflection. tired of my time. tired of my room. tired of my face.

tired of my loved ones. tired of my clothes. tired of being misunderstood.

tired of emotions. tired of regret. tired of overthinking. tired of trying.

tired of my heart. tired of my head. tired of myself. tired of helping.

 

tired of the things i own. tired of choices. tired of having no freedom.

tired of staying. tired of going. tired of listening. tired of talking.

tired of caring. tired of being cared for. tired of not being cared for.

tired of never being listened to. tired of being recognized.

tired of being noticed. tired of being invisible. tired of my past.

tired of my future. tired of feeling torn. tired of who i've become.

tired of my life. tired of everything. tired of being tired.

fucking good enough.

 that horrible sinking moment when you realize that 

everything you do will never be fucking good enough.

go mad.

 

 

we have to get used to the reality that we're alone. if you can't get used to, then you go mad.

fix you.

 i wish i could fix you and make you how i want you. i wish i could fix you and i wish you could fix me. 

i wish i could heal you  and mend where you are broken. i wish i could heal you and i wish you could heal me.

just killed me.

 It is so dangerous to undervalue another persons feelings. It's just a bad mood, it can't be that bad because they are still smiling, still breathing. And when it's too late everyone is shocked. And there's nothing people can do because their eyes are closed and their hearts are cold as long as they don't realize the magnitude of the situation.