...

no starting over.

 

 

suicide. suicide. suicide.

 

it doesn't sound that bad. it sounds amazing to me. especially today. i'm pressing extrahard tonight. i'll 'accidently' go too deep. sorry for hurting everyone. i hope this does you justice.

urlaub auf bonny's ranch.

 

.. und die frage ist nicht, wann wir das enden sondern wie?

 

 

 

kein ausweg mehr, der strick da, der blick starr und die augen leer,
ich bin daheim, doch es wär schön wenn ich zu hause wär ..

 

 

somebody.

 

 
i don't want anybody to love me because nobody could fix me.

i don't want to hurt anybody just because i love somebody else.

there is not anybody who could heal the scars somebody left.

i don't want anybody to love me bacause i'm deeply fucked up.

there is not anybody i could really want except this somebody.

 

 

i'm fine.

 

 

it's usual to help everybody with everything. everything is always easy for me. don't worry, i can do all that stuff for you. i don't have better things to do. i don't care when you don't ask me, when you take it all, when you don't thank me. i don't care when you call me fat, when you laugh at me, when you call me names. i don't care about scars, my insomnia, my paranoia, my hallucinations, my suicidal thoughts and all my problems. 

 

why should i care? why should you care? i'm fine.

love me.

 

 

did i tell you that someone out there wants to be loved right back?

 

 

coldest winter.

 

 

wurde älter, wurde kälter.

this giant feeling of .. nothing.

outside i'm smiling, but on the inside i'm feeling empty. just .. empty. i'm never happy, i'mnever sad. i'm just really tired, all the time. it's almost like i couldn't have emotions, except for this giant feeling of .. nothing. i don't want to leave my bedroom, i don't want to get out and have fun. i just want to sleep .. forever. i don't unterstand what's going on with me. i think i need help, but i don't even know what's my problem in first place.

dead but breathing.

 i'd give anything to feel alive again.